The Adventures and Misadventures of a Neer Do Well Artist Living in Baltimore.
I am a visual artist and writer living in Baltimore. I don't have any artist friends. Frankly, artists scare me, there so darn flaky. The above picture is either of me or proof that I'm a pretty decent artist. My goal is to be a self sufficient artist, whereas I wouldn't have to do something else in the day in order to eke out an existence. I also like to attend various cultural events around town. I go to plays, the symphony, etc. Also, I have Asperger's Syndrome. I found this out recently and it has explained a heck of a lot as to why I am as I am.
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007
WHY IM DEPRESSED:
What if they all died? I would be all alone save my nieces and nephew. Of which one of them had a breast cancer scare in her early twenties. So right now my heart is filled with malaise and sadness over situations I can not change.
I can not forceably get a court order to force my father to go to the hospital or my sister to get her surgery. If they die its there own damn fault! I have done and said everything I could think of to help them see they need treatment.
As far as my father goes its like he does not care that his refusal to get treatment is making everyone around him feel frustrated. Its like he delights in telling us all the things that are wrong with him.
When I think of it its kind of sick and twisted. And then when you ask him if he wants to go to the hospital he makes excuses why he can not go. He cant go because he needs a haircut and a shave or his clothes ironed. You do those things then he makes up other excuses like he needs a strong person to go with him. You offer to call a physically strong man to come along. He says no, do not bother him. Then you are back to where you started.
I think he is afraid that if he went to the hospital they would admit him. He may be afraid that if he left everything would go to seed. The house would turn into a crack den.
As I see it my father needs help. He is extremely thin. Both his legs and feet are swollen. His breath is extremely labored. He is out of breath frequently. He could pick up a piece of paper and it taxes his respiratory system. His vision is going.
I feel he has resigned himself to die and does not want to get better. He is commiting suicide before my very eyes and there is nothing I can do to prevent it.
WHAT IM WEARING:
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