GJ Willis' Art Notes
The Adventures and Misadventures of a Neer Do Well Artist Living in Baltimore.
I am a visual artist and writer living in Baltimore. I don't have any artist friends. Frankly, artists scare me, there so darn flaky. The above picture is either of me or proof that I'm a pretty decent artist. My goal is to be a self sufficient artist, whereas I wouldn't have to do something else in the day in order to eke out an existence. I also like to attend various cultural events around town. I go to plays, the symphony, etc. Also, I have Asperger's Syndrome. I found this out recently and it has explained a heck of a lot as to why I am as I am.
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Tuesday, September 11, 2001
September 11, 2001
Just a Girl - Gwen Steffani and Tom Dumont (No Doubt)
I know it has been quiet a while since I last made an entry in my diary. I have a confession to make. I’m not sure if I said it previously but I suffer from clinical depression.
I’m self diagnosed because for a long while I did not have health insurance coverage. This little dilema makes it very expensive to go to the Doctor’s office and pay for treatment out of pocket. I did not see the point in doing this because I already know what I have. Instead of taking something like Prozac I go to the store and buy St. Johns Wort instead. When I have an episode of depression I find it difficult to focus or get out of bed.
Suffering from Clinical Depression is one of the main reason for the gaps between my output of artwork and entries into this diary. The other reason for the gaps is because of working overtime at my day job. Recently, we have not been that busy at work. So that gives me plenty of time to come home and paint without feeling exhausted. I promise to write a, “What I Did Over the Summer” essay later today.
August 5, 2001
You think that we connect
Spiderweb - Gwen Steffani and Tony Kenal (No Doubt)
I don’t feel that I like him anymore every time I see him he has dirt underneath his fingernails or odd magic marker markings on him. How do I go about telling him that I don’t like it without hurting his feelings. It’s as thought he doesn't bother to clean himself before we go out. Also there’s always a patch of dandruff on his head. I should just break up with him. I felt happier without him. I was much stronger, thinner, and happier without him. Since getting back together with him I’ve gained weight and I don’t feel independent or happy.
Sometimes I feel that his own friends don’t like him very much. He kept telling me over and over again how we were going to be having dinner this Sunday with his best friend Wally and his wife Anita. Of course like always he told me that they weren't able to make it and that Wally had decided to spend Sunday over Ernest’s house. Ernest is David’s cousin who recently got out of the Armed Forces in Texas and moved back to Maryland.
I also feel as though all of David’s friends are much more successful than he is. Wally is a Doctor and lives in Owings Mills. He has another friend who’s an Engineer and yet another who’s a teacher and lives in the suburbs. I feel as though David has never progressed. since high school He’s always held jobs where he works in a warehouse. He has always lived with his mother. Wants me after were married to drive him to and from work like his mother did. After we’re married he wants us to live where he’s lived all his life, at his mother’s house. I do not want to sleep in the same bedroom that he’s slept in for the past 45 years.
I know I should just drop him because he does nothing but wear down my self esteem. In a way I feel sorry for him. His mother recently died......